I wanted to be a part of something and I thought I
was. I thought I was on the great journey of individuation, or that I believed in
God, that I was a part of something connecting me with the great ideas and
experiences shared by so many people. But, in truth, I wasn't a part of
anything. If you "believe nothing" then all of the old constructs of
life, the scaffolding that supported your existence, have collapsed. Belief was,
in retrospect, nothing real or lasting, it was a pretence or an illusion of
belief—mostly it was a pretence, as intellectual assumptions, beliefs, and considered
analyses end up being. The doctors are wrong in their diagnoses, the Ivy League
educated poets and intellectuals have fooled even themselves with their
self-importance, the imams, priests, and gurus are deluded, the politicians are
obviously liars, the social workers want to break up families, the teachers are
selling a lot of preconceptions based on their idea of what they stand for, the
intellectuals are filled with book learning but no wisdom or practical knowledge.
There is no satori, no heaven, no hell, no enlightenment, no god, no prophet,
there is nothing. I asked myself, what if nothing I believe is true? What if
all of my beliefs and assumptions about life are wrong? Very few people are
willing to say, "Look! The Emperor has no clothes! He's naked and
everything he stood for is a lie and a cheat of belief." I did not decide
to believe nothing, I accepted it with difficulty; in fact, it was what I always
believed but never admitted to myself. But then, one day, the scaffolding of
belief collapses, there is no free will, there is no certainty about anything
except that the Emperor has no clothes. Believe what you want after this, but
for now, believe nothing.
